Over the weekend, I read an article in the New York Times called, “The Unstoppable Snowplow Parent” (Click Here to Read the Article). It was a fascinating article related to the celebrity college admissions scandal.
“A Snowplow Parent” is defined as a person who constantly forces obstacles out of their kids’ paths. They have their eye on the future success of their child, and anyone or anything that stands in their way has to be removed.
With this issue coming to light, I think it is important for all parents to take a step back and look at his or her personal parenting practices. Ask yourself the question,
“Am I setting my child up to be a successful problem-solver?”
5 Strategies to Prevent Snowplow Parenting Behaviors
Here are 5 things that you can do right now, regardless of your child’s age to stop being a snowplow parent.
1.) Provide your child with a secure attachment as the caregiver.
Secure attachment makes a child feel safe and that he or she can adventure into new experiences independently. While they may be somewhat upset when a parent leaves, he or she will explore the new environment. When the parent returns, the child greets the adult positively. Some of the long-term impact of providing a secure attachment for your child includes good self-esteem and positive peer relationships (to name a few).
2.) Communicate clear expectations.
This goes hand and hand with point #1. As parents, it is better to be overly communicative with your child. This means it is both important to talk to with your child and listen to your child. Remember, parenting is a two-way relationship and both parties have something to contribute.
3.) Model how to respond to challenges.
Children watch adults very closely and will model the behavior that they see. With my children, I like to talk about how I am feeling (identify an emotion) and what I am going to do (my behavior). For example, I was running errands over the weekend with Sister and BroYo, and I forgot something at home that we needed to drop off at the store. As we were driving back to the house to pick it up, I explained to my children that I was frustrated that I forget this item; however, I could fix my dilemma by going home to retrieve it. Also, I said, “Mommy’s make mistakes too.”
4.) Set goals with your child.
Ask your child what he or she hopes to achieve. If they are little, perhaps they want to go to the park in the afternoon or, if they are an adolescent, maybe they want to buy a smart phone. You can talk to your child about setting a goal (like the ones described here), come up with the steps to achieve the goal, and brainstorm ideas for what to do if a problem arises. When our children become adults, we want them to develop independent problem-solving skills.
5.) Let them fail.
As a parent, I think that this is one of the hardest tips on the list. Failure isn’t fun, and it can be hard to watch. As an adult, I am adverse to failure. However, I’ve learned that failure provides an opportunity to learn and grow as an individual. We can foster a safe environment for our children where they know that it is okay to take risks, whether it is learning to ride a bike or trying out for the high school musical. If your child falls and scrapes his knee learning to ride the bike, you can be there to reassure him that he’s okay and encourage him to try again.
