Parent Spotlight: Amber Boykin

Welcome to the parent spotlight! Each month, I will have a parent spotlight from the psyched2parent community and share his or her parenting story. Earlier this month, I interviewed Amber Boykin, the April Parent Spotlight.

Meet Amber

Amber is a mom and school psychologist who lives in Louisiana with her three boys (Jacob:18, Garrison: 12, and Elijah: 11) and her husband, Micah. Amber works in the public schools in Lincoln Parish as a school psychologist and works in a clinic where she does autism testing. AND she has a consulting business with a fellow school psychologist that provides professional development for schools on intervention and classroom management. Amber loves being able to empower people through professional development. As she said to me,

“Whenever I am doing things that help or empower other people, that’s where I feel like my place is. That’s what I am supposed to be doing. I would rather be a giver than a taker. It makes me feel like I am in my element.”

Amber’s Journey with Garrison

Garrison was the result of four years of fertility therapy. Amber and her husband were thrilled to be pregnant and have another baby. Once Garrison was born, people would remark on how good he was. He never cried. When it was time to eat, Amber could tell that he was hungry, but he would never fuss. After some time, Amber’s school psychologist brain started to think that something was odd, he wasn’t babbling or making eye contact, cooing—what a typically developing infant would do. Around 6-9 months of age, Amber started to get concerned.

When her husband would start to mention something to Amber like, “Don’t you think it’s odd…?” She would shut the conversation down because she thought once someone said that “A word” (Autism) out loud, it’s going to become real.

After having Garrison, Amber’s third son, Elijah was born prematurely. Elijah started getting therapy right out of the NICU. The speech therapist that was supposed to be there working with Elijah was making comments about Garrison not talking and that he could be evaluated too. As a mom, Amber thought to herself, getting speech therapy was a good thing and that it wasn’t saying the “A word” out loud. Garrison started receiving early intervention services around 15-18 months.

When Garrison was almost 4, their family had to make the decision whether or not to start him in preschool. Garrison would interact with his younger brother and his parents when he wanted. At daycare, he spent most of his time on the playground collecting acorns. He would shove acorns into his pockets and then his shoes and anywhere that he could put them. All of the workers at daycare knew Garrison and that he was a little different. Garrison didn’t need preschool for the academics, he really needed it for social interactions.

When it was time for Garrison to start school, Amber didn’t think placement in a public school was appropriate, so they sent Garrison to a Montessori school. He was communicating more, but was not social. Garrison loved to read and was insistent about doing what he wanted to do. If his teacher would try to get him to do something that he didn’t want to do, he would retreat between the wall and the bookshelf. He would squeeze into this tiny little space and loved it. He learned very quickly that if he punched an individual that he or she would run away from you. Hitting was a very effective tool for getting what he wanted. Garrison was suspended 14 times in kindergarten.

The Turning Point

One day, Amber was at the park with Elijah’s physical therapist, her son, who has high functioning autism, and Garrison. As they were walking up a hill, Elijah and his friend were walking together while Garrison trailed behind walking by himself. He had a blade of grass that he was waving in front of his eyes and toe walking up this hill. He had no care for the other kids that were there. The physical therapist turned to Amber and said,

“Amber, you know Garrison is autistic, right?”

For Amber, it felt like someone had punched her in the stomach. This was the first time that someone used the “A word” out loud.

Having this conversation, along with Garrison’s suspensions from school, and having the conversation with her husband saying that Garrison needed to be evaluated, is what put everything into focus for Amber as a parent. As Amber said, “I realized that Garrison’s behavior is not an excuse for how he behaves, but having the label can give people a lens to understand and address it differently.”

Evaluation and Diagnosis

After deciding that Garrison was going to be evaluated for Autism, Amber wanted to ensure that Garrison had the best evaluation. Amber and her family found an excellent developmental pediatrician that conducted the evaluation. The whole process took about six months. Amber remembers sitting at the big conference table and hearing the results and diagnosis for Garrison. Once they got the label of autism, Amber felt security in the thoroughness of the evaluation. When the clinic said it was autism, it was autism.

Following the meeting, Amber and her husband loaded the kids in the car to drive home. Once Amber was in the car, she shared that she “just sobbed gut-wrenching sobs and let it out. Four to five years of denial…I just let it out. And it lasted all of 90 seconds. I had my little pity party..table of 1.” Once Amber was done crying, she felt okay. At that moment, she realized that she loved him just the same right now as the first time she had laid eyes on him.

Being diagnosed with autism didn’t make him any less. It didn’t make her love him any less.

From that day when Garrison was diagnosed, a switch was flipped, and Amber became an advocate for all things autism and Garrison.

What advice would you share with other parents with similar experiences?

Amber’s goal as a parent is to create happy, successful citizens of the world. As Amber shared with me,

“If your goal is that you want your child to be happy and successful, your definition of what is happy and successful may change. It’s not that you are letting go of that goal, it’s what is meaningful and relevant to them (your child).”

One thing that has helped Amber has been learning from adults on the spectrum. When the diagnosis was about a month old, Amber attended a conference for individuals with autism. It helped her understand Garrison more by listening and befriending adults on the spectrum.

Another thing that has helped is that Amber and Micah started teaching Garrison self-determination. Garrison was part of his Individual Education Plan (IEP) meetings starting in the first grade. Before the meeting, Amber and Garrison sit down together and write a portion of his IEP and Garrison shares what goals that he wants to work on. For his first IEP meeting, Garrison made a video and wore his Cub Scout uniform. Now, Garrison speaks at his IEP meetings. It’s still a little bit of struggle for him, but he speaks up for what he needs. Amber believes a key to Garrison’s success is empowering his voice to be heard. Garrison has made the most progress on the goals that were his ideas and not those of his special education teacher.

Currently, Garrison is a full inclusion student in 6th grade. He’s taking honors English and math. He receives some special education services for study skills and organization as well as a behavior plan. Garrison is dual classified for services under autism and giftedness. This has been wonderful for Garrison because he has been able to build friendships with other kids that he feels like he can relate to. He has found his people.

That’s Garrison.

Would you like to be featured on the psyched2parent blog for a Parent Spotlight?

I’d love to hear from you!