When it comes to parenting, there is an abundance of research that tells us using harsh discipline practices, like spanking, doesn’t work. Want to see some of the research? Click here! As a school psychologist and mom of two small children, I have found using positive parenting practices help significantly by teaching my children how I want them to behave rather than correcting them for their misbehavior. By using positive parenting practices, we are intervening before the behavior escalates, and we find ourselves in a power struggle with our child. In fact, you are able to use these positive parenting tools when your child ISN’T misbehaving.

Positive Parenting Tip #1: Specific, Positively Worded Feedback

This positive parenting tip is all about you how you deliver your message to your child. With this tip, you are NOT saying things like, “no,” “don’t,” “stop,” or “good job.” Instead, you are getting specific and telling your child exactly how you want your child to behave. Also, you can provide positively worded feedback when you see your child behaving. With this, the idea is to catch them being good.

Here are some examples:

• Instead of saying, “don’t run,” say “walking feet.”
• Instead of saying, “stop yelling,” say “we use our inside voice in the house.”
• Instead of saying, “good job” say “nice work, sharing your toys with your brother.”
• Instead of saying, “no hitting,” say “gentle hands” (bonus points for showing them what gentle hands looks like if you have them practice with you.)

Positive Parenting Tip #2: Make Statements, Don’t Ask Questions

This positive parenting tip is all about getting your child to do something that isn’t an option. Instead of asking your child to do something that he or she needs to do (such as getting dressed for the day), we make a statement for what he or she needs to do. By making a statement rather than asking a question, I am giving a direction for what needs to be done. When we change the message to a statement, we are taking out that ability to make a choice.

Here are some examples:

• Take the trash out.
• Put on your shoes.
• It’s time to pick up your toys.

Positive Parenting Tip #3: Use First, Then Statements

This positive parenting tip is all about linking two activities together, and it requires the individual to do something first before he or she is able to do something else. With this concept, we are telling the child to do something that is less desirable (pick up his or her toys) first. Then, the child is able to do something that is more desirable, such as reading a book or playing a game. The goal here is to make the first thing something that is not as much fun and, then, follow it with something that the child would want to do more.

Here are some examples:

• First, pick up your toys, and, then, you can watch television.
• First, we take a bath and get ready for bed; then, we can read books.
• First, we get dressed; then, we have breakfast.
• First, we brush our teeth; then, we can get a drink of water.

Positive Parenting Tip #4: Provide Limited Choices

This positive parenting tip is all about limiting the choices that we give our children. When our children are presented with multiple options or choices, it can make it overwhelming to make a decision. By limiting the number of choices that we give our children, it makes it easier for them to make a choice. Plus, we are giving them an opportunity to express their independence by allowing them to choose what they want. Now, a word of warning with this positive parenting tip. If you provide your child with two (or three for older children) choices, you want to make sure that you are fine with whatever choice your child makes. The goal is to let your child feel like he or she is in control since he or she is making the choice, but you are getting them to do what you want.

Here’s an example:

• If I want my son to have something to drink with dinner, I may let him choose to drink milk or water. Whatever he picks, doesn’t matter to me. I just want him to have something to drink so that he stays hydrated. However, if I offered him the choice of milk, water, or soda, he would choose to have a soda every time. If he were to say that he wanted a soda and I offered it as a choice but I didn’t want him to have it, that would lead to whining or a temper tantrum.

Positive Parenting Tips: Putting it all together

By using these positive parenting tips, we are able to provide feedback to our children when they are behaving appropriately. Plus, we are able to help them feel like they are in control by letting them make choices.