Amy, what the heck are you talking about? Dinosaurs are extinct. What does that have to do with my child and his/her behavior?

Okay, before I start throwing jargon at you to try and decipher, let me start off with an explanation. One of the most common questions and requests that I hear from parents and clients when it comes to parenting advice and child development is what do to when their child doesn’t listen or follow directions.

Applied Behavior Analysis is the study of human behavior and the modification of human behavior. In an article from Lerman and Iwata from 1995, they discuss both extinction and extinction bursts (Link to abstract: Click Here). Extinction is the gradual removal of what is reinforcing a behavior so that it decreases. A phenomenon that occurs as part of extinction is what is called an “extinction burst.” This is a temporary increase in the behavior that you are trying to stop (aka make extinct). Often times, you may see this behavior temporarily increase in duration, frequency, or intensity before it is no longer exhibited by your child. 

One example of an extinction burst from my parenting journey has been the glorious bedtime routine of brushing my son’s teeth. We started brushing his teeth from a young age and seeing the dentist for routine cleanings. Last year, when we saw the dentist, she noted that we needed to do a better job of consistently bruising his teeth and flossing (<—ugh!). Prior to this trip to the dentist, I would do my best to brush his teeth at night. However, there were some nights that I skipped this portion of our nighttime routine or, if he was whining when I would brush his teeth, I would stop. Who likes whining, right?

Well, after the trip to the dentist I was determined to do a better job and consistently brush his teeth to foster good oral hygiene. When we first implemented this new routine, my son fought us on it. He would whine and cry and made it difficult to brush his teeth. This lasted for several nights; however, we kept brushing his teeth and provided him with specific praise. For example, “you’re doing such a nice job brushing your teeth! Way to get those teeth buggies!” After implementing this new routine, we had one night where he had a full-on temper tantrum, and it was a challenging night for brushing his teeth. However, we persisted. After his temper tantrum, the behavior quickly improved, and he learned that Mommy and Daddy were going to brush his teeth each night whether or not he threw a temper tantrum.

What’s the take away here?

You can change both your behavior and your child’s behavior. In the above example, my husband and I changed our behavior by consistently implementing the routine of brushing our son’s teeth as part of our nighttime routine. In addition to this, we were able to change our son’s behavior (aka no more temper tantrums). Now, when we brush his teeth, he complies with this task with little to no whining on his part.

Behavior takes time to change and does not happen over night. It requires you to consistently (and I would argue positively) change you child’s behavior.